After an hour the group wander back apart from the usual
two that are always late. The group cooks return to tell me: -
“We wanted to buy stuffed olives but couldn’t find any, do you know where we can get some?”
“We spent nearly all the budget on two tins of imported baked beans and some Branston Pickle, can we have some more money please.”
“Can you keep your eye out for a shop selling Mozzarella cheese, but we’d settle for fresh Parmesan instead.”
“We didn’t have time to buy any souvenirs, if you see a nice stall or something can you stop there as well.”
“If you see a nice butchers shop, we wanted some free range chicken breasts tonight.”
We eventually set off again after the girl who always looks so well made up asks me if I can drive slower over the bumps as she finds it difficult to varnish her nails in the back of the truck whilst we’re moving.
Continue conversation with nice pair in front of truck, they seem to have their heads screwed on right and taking everything as it comes. They haven’t asked the usual questions of -
“how did you get this job”,
“what did you do before”,
“how much do you get paid”,
“which is your favourite country”,
“why don’t you have a GPS to find the way” and
“where do you keep the gun? You do have one don’t you?”
About midday we stopped for lunch. The site has to have roughly the same characteristics as a pee stop but additionally it can’t be dusty, it has to have enough shade for everyone and good views. A bonus would be some old ruins or something for everyone to have quiet walk round to digest their lunch.
So I stopped in the nearest lay-by.
Whilst lunch was being prepared (salad, leftover pasta made in to pasta salad, bread, corned beef, cheese triangles, apples, bananas, mango) answered questions regarding: -
best film speed to use for available light and weather conditions (100, 200 or 400),
difference between banana and plantain,
best ice cream shops en route,
how the beetles on the sand dunes in Namibia survive,
why a few grains of rice in the salt cellar prevents the salt clumping together when humid,
why warthogs stick their tails up when running,
difference between lion and leopard footprints,
which is the nicest animal meat to eat and,
if the overland company promotes ecological travel, why do we use diesel trucks and not electric ones?
Had a word with two of the lads about their liking for sexist jokes. No matter how funny they might be, not all the group appreciate them. But told them a good one in return.
At last we managed to have enough food at lunch for there to be some over, it does seem to take some time for groups to be able to know how much to prepare for twenty or so people.
Asked group again to stop putting waste food in the bins when we’re in the bush. Packaging etc, yes, but food smells quickly, attracts flies and is better thrown out for the ants and other creepy crawly things.
Packed all kit away and set off again.
Had to stop after ten minutes for someone to go to the toilet, apparently the girl didn’t like the place where we stopped for lunch and wanted somewhere with a bit more cover.
Stopped again another ten minutes later to retrieve cap blown off by wind as lad stuck his head out of the window to take a photo.
Stopped again another ten minutes later as two of group wanted to take photo of termite hill.
Stopped again another ten minutes later to re-fasten side panel that cooks had left unlocked (my fault, I should have checked it).
Stopped as group member can’t find passport and thinks they left their money belt back at the lunch stop (found in day pack and resumed travel)
Stopped again later to fill up with water and fuel.
Didn’t stop and ignored Policeman at side of road waving us down for “spot check”, no radios and no cars makes for easy getaway, even at 40km/hr due to potholed roads.
Whilst driving made note of two rough camps that could possibly be used if late or if other hold up makes campsite too far, but apart from that had a nice drive for an hour or so with good conversation, good music and terrific scenery.
Got to campsite in good time, 5pm, saw the same two girls as usual immediately jump out of truck and head for toilet block to be first in the showers (they just won’t learn that they don’t start heating the water in the old 45 gallon oil drum until we arrive, thus about 7pm is the best time, the time I go as dinner is being cleared up)
Reminded some of the group to stop walking round in bare feet, you’re not in Oz now y’know.
Checked in with reception, drove truck to best spot before all the other overland riff raff and dross arrive, grabbed paperwork and went to bar.
Part 3, Evening Sat in bar with cold beer (small fridge in campsite, big group, first few beers the coldest then fridge filled up with warm beer and beer not properly cold again till late at night) and did the accounts and trip report to date.
Put feet up, listened to birds singing and roosting for the night, watched sunset, cute girl turned up and bought me a beer (I wonder what she wants?)
Fended off some questions from others popping in by saying “Can I just have a minute or two’s break? See if someone else can sort it out straightaway, if not I’ll be there soon.” Rest of group filtered in to relax and write up diaries freshly washed and scrubbed.
Left them to it and whilst cooks were preparing evening meal, repaired puncture in tyre, “What’s for dinner tonight then?” I ask whilst beavering away.
“Pasta and tuna in a tomato sauce”
“Pasta again” I say, “Ummm, yummy!” …..NOT
Make mental note that as it’s coming up to the third week it’s about time I showed the group again how to vary the diet as they’re getting lazy.
This time I’ll cook :-
Cauliflower soup with croutons,
Baked potatoes and garlic bread in the fire,
Roasted sweet corn on the cob on the grill,
Stir fried veg with a Soya and black bean sauce,
Pan fried chicken pieces rolled in seasoned al dente cabbage leaves gently simmered in home made meat gravy,
Apple crumble in the oven and/or banana pancakes with fresh lemon juice (I do so like my deserts, so might do both)
Truffle chocolates and a selection of French cheeses to finish (maybe I’m getting a bit complicated with this last item, best leave that one out).
After repairs slipped to the back door of the bar and asked them to prepare me ostrich steak with creamed potatoes and sugared carrots from the menu and I’ll grab it whilst the rest of the group are eating back at the truck.
Got caught by the awkward bloke with my request to the bar staff, assured him I always pay for meals away from the truck with my own money (I do, without fail unless I sometimes get a free one). Told him, as diplomatically as ever, in answer to his question about “Why don’t we eat in restaurants more and why do we camp so much?”
“You paid for a trip that has meals prepared by yourselves, self catering and camping apart from a couple of nights in a town when we stay in a hostel. It says so in the pre-departure information and the brochure you booked from. You’re welcome to pay for your own meal in a restaurant or pay for a room in the campsite but if you wanted a cushier trip then you’re on the wrong one.”
Sat in the bar having a laugh and a joke with the rest of the group, good mix of nationalities and a good bunch with just the odd character to give it colour. All seem to be interested in where we are going and what we are doing. Are willing to learn about the places and people and are open minded. Makes it mostly a joy to be doing this job.
Whilst dinner was being served I repaired two tents rubbers and a fly sheet zip, slipped for a quick shower then returned and filled them in on what the plan was for tomorrow.
Told the cooks that I was still a bit full from the excellent lunch they served, that’s why I’ll give the pasta a miss tonight, easy to put on weight when driving all day, I said. Then ran back to the bar, got my steak and ate it in a quiet corner before they all came back.
Rounded it off with a chocolate brownie with chocolate sauce and ice cream, stood up to refasten my belt just as some of the group came in so I nonchalantly made my way outside to the veranda pretending that I’d just come from the toilets.
I think I got away with it.
Asked by someone if I had any funny stories about previous group members and told them the story of the young lad who wanted to go for his first crap ever in the bush. I could tell he wasn’t sure how to do this so to save his embarrassment I just gave him the small spade and said, “You’ll need this”.
When he came back I was underneath the truck looking at a small oil leak. He said from somewhere behind me, “Where do I put this now?” I told him to just put it in the back of the truck, I’ll sort it out later and he went off.
A minute or two after I came out from underneath I jumped in the back and saw the spade lying in the middle of the floor with three links of crap on it, half covered in some toilet paper.
What did I do?
I called him over and told him to go and burn the paper.
I think he probably had a hard enough life as it was without more grief from me.
Rounded off the night with a game of truth or dare, convinced the group, instead of doing a dare, that I’d spent three years in a mental institution with frequent electric shock treatments to overcome my death wish of driving an overland truck off a cliff whilst shouting, “Look Ma!! I can fly!!!”
I think I got away with that as well.
Just as I was about to turn in, 10.30ish, the cute girl quietly asked me to help her with something inside her tent. She wouldn’t say what it was and I was quite tired so I said I’d sort it out in the morning (I wonder what it was?)
So I left her, jumped in the cab to write this and right at the end I had a sudden thought – I wonder if she fancies me?
Settled down for ten minutes to flick through “The Dummies guide to being the perfect Overland Leader” but realised I knew it all.
Gave up and tried for some time to add more to the information sheets I’m writing on “Reasons to do an organised Overland” and “Reasons to be an Overland Leader”.
After ten years I’ve still only written one line on each, must be getting slow in my old age. I’ll try again tomorrow.
Had moment of panic trying to find my teddy bear (Archibald), the sweet girl had wrapped him up in my security blanket (Blankie) whilst I was out of the cab and put them behind my dirty underwear. She must really like me. I’m sure. If I play my cards right I might be in there!
Night night Diary, see you in the morning.
Last note – must remember to use scissors to cut my toenails, some of group objected to me biting them whilst in the bar and spitting the clippings into the swimming pool. After all, the group are always right.
“We wanted to buy stuffed olives but couldn’t find any, do you know where we can get some?”
“We spent nearly all the budget on two tins of imported baked beans and some Branston Pickle, can we have some more money please.”
“Can you keep your eye out for a shop selling Mozzarella cheese, but we’d settle for fresh Parmesan instead.”
“We didn’t have time to buy any souvenirs, if you see a nice stall or something can you stop there as well.”
“If you see a nice butchers shop, we wanted some free range chicken breasts tonight.”
We eventually set off again after the girl who always looks so well made up asks me if I can drive slower over the bumps as she finds it difficult to varnish her nails in the back of the truck whilst we’re moving.
Continue conversation with nice pair in front of truck, they seem to have their heads screwed on right and taking everything as it comes. They haven’t asked the usual questions of -
“how did you get this job”,
“what did you do before”,
“how much do you get paid”,
“which is your favourite country”,
“why don’t you have a GPS to find the way” and
“where do you keep the gun? You do have one don’t you?”
About midday we stopped for lunch. The site has to have roughly the same characteristics as a pee stop but additionally it can’t be dusty, it has to have enough shade for everyone and good views. A bonus would be some old ruins or something for everyone to have quiet walk round to digest their lunch.
So I stopped in the nearest lay-by.
Whilst lunch was being prepared (salad, leftover pasta made in to pasta salad, bread, corned beef, cheese triangles, apples, bananas, mango) answered questions regarding: -
best film speed to use for available light and weather conditions (100, 200 or 400),
difference between banana and plantain,
best ice cream shops en route,
how the beetles on the sand dunes in Namibia survive,
why a few grains of rice in the salt cellar prevents the salt clumping together when humid,
why warthogs stick their tails up when running,
difference between lion and leopard footprints,
which is the nicest animal meat to eat and,
if the overland company promotes ecological travel, why do we use diesel trucks and not electric ones?
Had a word with two of the lads about their liking for sexist jokes. No matter how funny they might be, not all the group appreciate them. But told them a good one in return.
At last we managed to have enough food at lunch for there to be some over, it does seem to take some time for groups to be able to know how much to prepare for twenty or so people.
Asked group again to stop putting waste food in the bins when we’re in the bush. Packaging etc, yes, but food smells quickly, attracts flies and is better thrown out for the ants and other creepy crawly things.
Packed all kit away and set off again.
Had to stop after ten minutes for someone to go to the toilet, apparently the girl didn’t like the place where we stopped for lunch and wanted somewhere with a bit more cover.
Stopped again another ten minutes later to retrieve cap blown off by wind as lad stuck his head out of the window to take a photo.
Stopped again another ten minutes later as two of group wanted to take photo of termite hill.
Stopped again another ten minutes later to re-fasten side panel that cooks had left unlocked (my fault, I should have checked it).
Stopped as group member can’t find passport and thinks they left their money belt back at the lunch stop (found in day pack and resumed travel)
Stopped again later to fill up with water and fuel.
Didn’t stop and ignored Policeman at side of road waving us down for “spot check”, no radios and no cars makes for easy getaway, even at 40km/hr due to potholed roads.
Whilst driving made note of two rough camps that could possibly be used if late or if other hold up makes campsite too far, but apart from that had a nice drive for an hour or so with good conversation, good music and terrific scenery.
Got to campsite in good time, 5pm, saw the same two girls as usual immediately jump out of truck and head for toilet block to be first in the showers (they just won’t learn that they don’t start heating the water in the old 45 gallon oil drum until we arrive, thus about 7pm is the best time, the time I go as dinner is being cleared up)
Reminded some of the group to stop walking round in bare feet, you’re not in Oz now y’know.
Checked in with reception, drove truck to best spot before all the other overland riff raff and dross arrive, grabbed paperwork and went to bar.
Part 3, Evening Sat in bar with cold beer (small fridge in campsite, big group, first few beers the coldest then fridge filled up with warm beer and beer not properly cold again till late at night) and did the accounts and trip report to date.
Put feet up, listened to birds singing and roosting for the night, watched sunset, cute girl turned up and bought me a beer (I wonder what she wants?)
Fended off some questions from others popping in by saying “Can I just have a minute or two’s break? See if someone else can sort it out straightaway, if not I’ll be there soon.” Rest of group filtered in to relax and write up diaries freshly washed and scrubbed.
Left them to it and whilst cooks were preparing evening meal, repaired puncture in tyre, “What’s for dinner tonight then?” I ask whilst beavering away.
“Pasta and tuna in a tomato sauce”
“Pasta again” I say, “Ummm, yummy!” …..NOT
Make mental note that as it’s coming up to the third week it’s about time I showed the group again how to vary the diet as they’re getting lazy.
This time I’ll cook :-
Cauliflower soup with croutons,
Baked potatoes and garlic bread in the fire,
Roasted sweet corn on the cob on the grill,
Stir fried veg with a Soya and black bean sauce,
Pan fried chicken pieces rolled in seasoned al dente cabbage leaves gently simmered in home made meat gravy,
Apple crumble in the oven and/or banana pancakes with fresh lemon juice (I do so like my deserts, so might do both)
Truffle chocolates and a selection of French cheeses to finish (maybe I’m getting a bit complicated with this last item, best leave that one out).
After repairs slipped to the back door of the bar and asked them to prepare me ostrich steak with creamed potatoes and sugared carrots from the menu and I’ll grab it whilst the rest of the group are eating back at the truck.
Got caught by the awkward bloke with my request to the bar staff, assured him I always pay for meals away from the truck with my own money (I do, without fail unless I sometimes get a free one). Told him, as diplomatically as ever, in answer to his question about “Why don’t we eat in restaurants more and why do we camp so much?”
“You paid for a trip that has meals prepared by yourselves, self catering and camping apart from a couple of nights in a town when we stay in a hostel. It says so in the pre-departure information and the brochure you booked from. You’re welcome to pay for your own meal in a restaurant or pay for a room in the campsite but if you wanted a cushier trip then you’re on the wrong one.”
Sat in the bar having a laugh and a joke with the rest of the group, good mix of nationalities and a good bunch with just the odd character to give it colour. All seem to be interested in where we are going and what we are doing. Are willing to learn about the places and people and are open minded. Makes it mostly a joy to be doing this job.
Whilst dinner was being served I repaired two tents rubbers and a fly sheet zip, slipped for a quick shower then returned and filled them in on what the plan was for tomorrow.
Told the cooks that I was still a bit full from the excellent lunch they served, that’s why I’ll give the pasta a miss tonight, easy to put on weight when driving all day, I said. Then ran back to the bar, got my steak and ate it in a quiet corner before they all came back.
Rounded it off with a chocolate brownie with chocolate sauce and ice cream, stood up to refasten my belt just as some of the group came in so I nonchalantly made my way outside to the veranda pretending that I’d just come from the toilets.
I think I got away with it.
Asked by someone if I had any funny stories about previous group members and told them the story of the young lad who wanted to go for his first crap ever in the bush. I could tell he wasn’t sure how to do this so to save his embarrassment I just gave him the small spade and said, “You’ll need this”.
When he came back I was underneath the truck looking at a small oil leak. He said from somewhere behind me, “Where do I put this now?” I told him to just put it in the back of the truck, I’ll sort it out later and he went off.
A minute or two after I came out from underneath I jumped in the back and saw the spade lying in the middle of the floor with three links of crap on it, half covered in some toilet paper.
What did I do?
I called him over and told him to go and burn the paper.
I think he probably had a hard enough life as it was without more grief from me.
Rounded off the night with a game of truth or dare, convinced the group, instead of doing a dare, that I’d spent three years in a mental institution with frequent electric shock treatments to overcome my death wish of driving an overland truck off a cliff whilst shouting, “Look Ma!! I can fly!!!”
I think I got away with that as well.
Just as I was about to turn in, 10.30ish, the cute girl quietly asked me to help her with something inside her tent. She wouldn’t say what it was and I was quite tired so I said I’d sort it out in the morning (I wonder what it was?)
So I left her, jumped in the cab to write this and right at the end I had a sudden thought – I wonder if she fancies me?
Settled down for ten minutes to flick through “The Dummies guide to being the perfect Overland Leader” but realised I knew it all.
Gave up and tried for some time to add more to the information sheets I’m writing on “Reasons to do an organised Overland” and “Reasons to be an Overland Leader”.
After ten years I’ve still only written one line on each, must be getting slow in my old age. I’ll try again tomorrow.
Had moment of panic trying to find my teddy bear (Archibald), the sweet girl had wrapped him up in my security blanket (Blankie) whilst I was out of the cab and put them behind my dirty underwear. She must really like me. I’m sure. If I play my cards right I might be in there!
Night night Diary, see you in the morning.
Last note – must remember to use scissors to cut my toenails, some of group objected to me biting them whilst in the bar and spitting the clippings into the swimming pool. After all, the group are always right.